Nothing breaks your heart faster than hearing your child basically tell you she is being bullied at school. To be a mother is to walk around with your heart outside of your body. I haven't felt the extreme of that in awhile.
We were on our way to school after a particularly difficult morning. When looking in the rear view mirror I caught my daughter's eye after she had been staring out the window and saw some of the saddest eyes I've seen in a long time.
"What's up sweetie?"
*sigh* "Nothing, it's just that I don't have that many friends."
"They all say they don't want to be my friend and say mean things."
"What do they say?"
"They say not nice words and tell me they don't like my haircut, backpack and sometimes my clothes."
At this point my heart is breaking for her, I know exactly how she feels. It was my path through school as well and I don't want it to be hers. I almost don't want to know more but I have to ask.
"What kind of not nice words do they say? I won't be upset, I just want to know what they are saying to you."
"They call me Long legs(like the spider) and Dinosaur."
Ok yea, we have all been called worse, but this is happening frequently with her. Not all the same kids which tells me that somehow she has inherited the target from her mom. It breaks my heart that she is already being faced with being bullied. My daughter is six! It's disgusting that her pleasure in school, which needs to be a safe place is being ruined by kids who think its funny to laugh at someone else's expense. Now don't get me wrong, our whole family is sarcastic, but these kids are just being downright mean. They pick on her on the bus and at recess and tell her friends mean things about her by whispering them in the ears of her other friends. You see, my girl doesn't quite fit in at school for one obvious reason. She attends school in an area that is predominately Hispanic. Don't get me wrong I have no issues with them, but their are differences. They tend to be on the shorter side in comparison. My daughter is the tallest in her grade most likely and has dirty blonde hair and bright blue eyes, and she is all leg, cute as can be! But because she is so different it opens her up to be a target.
Hearing about what she is going through at school, a lot of things are beginning to fall into place regarding her recent behavior at home. She has had a lot of change in recent months but I think the bullying is impacting her the most. It breaks my heart because I am powerless to stop it. I spoke with the principal who is going to further investigate and we told the teacher so that they can be watching out for her, but the truth is, it happens. It will happens lot! How do I give her the tools to stand up for herself and not become a target at every school she goes to? I certainly don't have them. I was tormented most of my school years and it left scars that I am still trying to repair and I am going to be 31 next week!
It has been dragging up some difficult memories from me during my childhood years. Kids are mean. I wish there was more I could do to change it....but there is only so much mommy can do for her because sometimes that would make it even worse!
Looking back over my blog and beginning to wonder why I opened it up to make public. It isn't like anyone will actually read it!