I really should start keeping a list of these because out of context there are some really good ones! Only problem is, now that I am being asked to make a lit, I can't remember them! Mommy fail! Oh well, I will try to dig through some resources to find some good ones.
1. "We don't wake big sister up from nap by banging her over the head repeatedly with a school bus!"
2. "Stop climbing the doorframe! I did not give birth to a monkey and we aren't going to start now."
3. "If you don't go to sleep right now I am going to call the police and have them come take you away because you aren't listening to your mommy and that is against the law."
4. "Go find the other (insert name here) and come back out when you have found her!" (Thinking it will be my fault when my kid develops a split personality. She has actually started doing it to her self. "I'm going to go find the other (insert own name)!")
5. "We didn't email the tooth fairy in time. She will come tomorrow night." (Translation, Mommy forgot to get cash, why can't kids accept credit cards for tooth fairy money?)
6. "Where did you throw your head?! You better find it before we get out of this car or I am taking your head away and throwing it in the trash!" (Anyone else remember the doll heads from McDonalds a few years back? Yea, made for AWESOME jokes between Daddy and I during the road trip. We sought inspiration from the old movie Eight Heads In a Duffle Bag.)
7. "Does it smell dirty? Here let's spray it with Febreeze so you can wear it again. Even I can't do laundry in ten seconds!" (Worst mom EVER!)
8. "You can't say that word until you are 18. That's why Mommy and Daddy can, we are old."
9. "No I will not kiss your butt to make it better, go ask your dad."
10. "If you touch your sister one more time, I just might cut your fingers off!"
Thinking I need to start keeping a list. It would make an awesome annual post. "This year I will try not to repeat these statements again because they probably aren't the most supportive of my children." Oh well, such is life in our household! After all, I already warned you I am certifiable! ;)